Alexander and the Funny, Hilarious, Eye-Wattering, Too Good Day (Alexander Bad Day review)

Alexander and the Long Title

 

Hello, Academy, it’s Captain Critic here and I’m bringing you another review! I will choose any movies you guys suggest in the comments and will have a review hopefully every 1-two weeks on Mondays. Let’s get right to it

 

Thank you for a user named Binkieman Fizzie on Youtube for suggesting this!

 

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS

 

This is the kind of movie… where you might need to go to the hospital because you had a hernia.

“Alexander and Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day” Release date October 10, 2014, directed by Miguel Arteta, produced by Shawn Levy, Dan Levine, and Lisa Henson, written by Rob Lieber. Here are the stars of the movie:

 

Steve Carell

Jennifer Garner

Ed Oxenbould

Dylan Mynette

Kerris Dorsey

Bella Thorne

 

BRICK!!!

 

As I said before in the first paragraph, you will laugh to death. And I’m not exaggerating. You will DIE if you watch this. The movie is actually based off of a very well known children’s book of the same name (and one of my personal favorites as a kid). Brief summary: an 11-year old (who turns 12 the next day in the movie) named Alexander is always having an extremely bad day, every day. From gum stuck to his hair to him missing the bus to school, everything pretty much sucks. His family however has nothing to worry about. Then at midnight when it is Alexander’s 12th birthday, he makes a birthday sundae and wishes that his family could know what it’s like to have a bad day. They do have a bad day, but the learn that it’s good to have a bad day, so you can just get back up on your feet and try again.

 

Now the extremely funny. From setting the class on fire to your dad getting punched in the face by a kangaroo to getting fired at work because your book that you published for children had a typo that said “dump” and the book was read by Dick van Dyke at the library and you get SUPER embarrassed. Yeah, it’s a long story. Oh, and did I mention your older sister ruining the school play because she is under the influence of cough syrup? Oh it’s just one of those days, you know? However, no other movie could be so cliche. You put a curse on your family and then they have a bad day.

 

You want my list for curses that gave people bad days? Ok, here we go: Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Freaky Friday, Ella Enchanted, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. This movie had a storyline that I have seen many times before. My biggest improvement I would give to this? Something original for goodness sake.

 

My score. 3 and a half stars out of five. Too cliche, but too funny. This is probably the funniest movie I have seen since Anchorman 2. And I LOVED Anchorman 2.  This movie is worth the watch so you better run and watch it now!!!


I would appreciate it if you could leave any suggestions to any movies I should review next Monday. Thank you, Academy, and I will see you all next week! Captain Critic is out!

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The Cheesetrolls (“The Boxtrolls” review)

Hello, Academy, it’s Captain Critic here and I’m bringing you another review! I will choose any movies you guys suggest in the comments and will have a review hopefully every 1-two weeks on Mondays. Let’s get right to it!

Thank you to cocotanner for suggesting this movie!

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS

I haven’t seen any clay-mation feature films since Frankenweenie. And no good one since Paranorman. *sigh* I might as well just- WAIT!! A NEW CLAYMATION MOVIE!! “THE BOXTROLLS”!! I’M TOTALLY GOING TO SEE THAT!! Yes ladies and gentlemen, we haven’t had a claymation movie for a long time. And now we do.

“The Boxtrolls”, release date September 26, directed by Graham Annable and Anthony Stacchi, produced by Travis Knight and David Ichioka, and written by Irena Brignull and Adam Pava. The stars of this film are:

Isaac Hempstead-Wright

Elle Fanning

Ben Kingsley

Toni Collette

Jared Harris

Simon Pegg

Nick Frost

Richard Ayoade

Tracy Morgan

We know it’s good when Gandhi is in it.

Now this is perhaps one of the most brilliant films I have seen in a while. I will give you a brief summary: A Vicotrian-England city has creatures roaming the streets at night called “box trolls”. (hence the name because they wear cardboard boxes for clothing) The people of the town think they are monsters that kidnap and eat children. This is not true. They are simply looking for parts to build their underground society. Accompanied by a boy named Eggs, they try to stop an evil pest exterminator from snatching up the trolls so he can get his award to join a high-class organization in the town called the White Hats. The box trolls stop him and they are no longer known as children-eating monsters, but friends of the people. Yes, this sounds like a very good movie.

Now the thing that really kills it is because it’a  stop-motion film. Oh we love those, isn’t that right? It’s Tim Burton quality in my own opinion. I loved the way the characters looked and all the details in their faces with the wrinkles and the coloring. ESPECIALLY THE TEETH. Looked like authentic British teeth. Dirty and crooked. I mean as in 18th century teeth! No one took care of their teeth back then. I’m not saying English people have bad teeth! (but Brits still don’t buy braces today. Personal experience at London.) Any movie that’s clay-mation is good. I give it a star for that.

The plot was excellent. It was a exciting, humorous, suspenseful, and very very touching. I mean the boy named Eggs was raised by the Boxtrolls! They played music together when he was little with things they found in the city. It was ADORABLE!! Now the thing that made you upset is when the exterminator would snatch the box trolls at night when they were looking for things on the street. And how they couldn’t do anything about it or they would get captured. However their disguise mechanism is great. Arms and legs and head go *WOOP* and they’re inside the box.

Moving on to characters! I loved that each boxtroll had it’s own little trademark. The trolls’ names were given by the logo or sticker on their box that they each wore. If it was a box where fish were stored into, then the troll wearing it would be called “Fish”. If it was a shoe box, the troll wearing it would be called “Shoe”. Loved that idea they did! Characters were great in this movie. Especially because they had accents. When characters have accents, it really illustrates the characters. For example they would either have a cheery little English-boy accent, or that very un-settling villain accent.

I If this movie was set in somewhere like the US, it TOTALLY would of changed the whole movie. The setting of the movie was in a small English town called Cheesebridge, known for it’s cheese tasting organization, the White Hats. The film gives the town a very narrow, edgy kind of feeling. All the houses were slanted and there were narrow, windy, and steep roads. I definitely had this old rusty feeling to it, giving it the right mood to the film. Now there’s the boxtrolls’ underground cave. It’s the coolest place to have a hangout! They have a giant clock in the center, little markets, and a super cool way to get to the there: a slide that comes from the sewer and leads into a dirt tunnel; the way to get up to the town: a vacuum-tube that sucks you up to the sewer! I would totally live there and just eat bugs all day long. I’m joking. I wouldn’t live there. I would still eat bugs though.

This movie is getting very popular right now. It’s very appealing to kids because they love the goofy trolls, and adults like it because it’s actually has a good plot and everyone will bond with the characters in it. That’s a start! The film has only made over $76 million dollars since September 26th, but has paid it’s budget for the making of the film.  If this film was 3D animated, it would probably either make less money then it would if it was clay-mation because using stop-motion and clay figures is extremely creative and you can actually see a set if you go to Hollywood.

Overall, this film should get a 4/5 stars. My only nitpick was that this film was NOT made by Tim Burton. He could of made it way creepier, as he has done with several of his- sorry, ALL of his movies. However, I didn’t want to leave the theater because I wanted to see every second of it, even though I drank large root beer and I was crossing my legs the entire time thinking “WHEN WILL THIS END??? MY BLADDER WILL EXPLODE INTO PIECES!”

I hope you will also enjoy it, too, so go to your local theater and buy a ticket for The Boxtrolls. I would appreciate it if you could leave suggestions for any movie I should review next Monday. Thank you, Academy, and I will see you next week. Captain Critic is out!

Guardians of the Garbage (“Guardians of the Galaxy” review)

Alright guys, this is my first review for a movie so I hope that this will turn out well to your eyes. My name is Captain Critic, but you can call me Captain, CC, or whatever. I am going to call my followers or people who read my blogs the “Academy” just a little nickname. Thank you and here’s my first review.

Hello, Academy, it’s Captain Critic here and I’m bringing you a movie review! I will choose any movies you guys suggest in the comments and will have a review hopefully every 1-two weeks on Mondays. Let’s get right to it!

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS

I now bring you “Guardians of the Garbage” or what the people who made it call, “Guardians of the Galaxy”, the action-adventure movie that won’t let you take a break from the non-stop fighting and violence. I can’t believe I chose this movie out of every one in existence. But hey, I’m going to review it for you, Academy.

 

Let me give you a brief summary of the film. A team of superheroes who try to retrieve a powerful stone to save the universe from an evil space dude? Whoa. Deja vu. Is anyone thinking “The Avengers”? No? Okay, just me then.

The cast of this film is:

Chris Pratt

Bradley Cooper

Lee Pace

Michael Rooker

Karen Gillan

Djimon Hounsou

John C. Reilly

Glenn Close

Benicio del Toro

 

I just put links to their names so you can see their faces. I mean every single one of them was either wearing a mask, makeup, or animated as a raccoon or tree-man-thing. * face palm *

The people who made the film possible was: Director, James Gunn. Producer, Kevin Feige. Screenplay, James Gunn and Nicole Perlman. That’s all you really need to know, because honestly, who cares about the people who made a film like this come to a movie theater? WORLD WIDE. Buy hey, opinions are opinions.

 

Now let me begin my reign or criticism. No I did not just criticize, I just gave you info about the movie. Yeah, I’m talking about the REAL DEAL now.

 

This film so far has made over 600 million dollars in the box office over the past summer. I can’t believe that someone would actually recommend the movie to his/her friend and be like “This movie rocked! I totally would spend my money to watch this AGAIN because of the non-stop action and violence and the unnecessary Stan Lee cameo because he didn’t actually make the Guardians of the Galaxy comic book!” Yes, I’m serious. Stan Lee did not make GOTG comic book. People do that because fans love it when they see his face or something. But here’s the point. This movie was kind of a… well… duplicate of “The Avengers”. I mean, Marvel was thinking that they should make an EXACT SAME PLOT OF ANOTHER MOVIE THEY ALREADY MADE!! People just love money, don’t they? That’s really what happened here with this film. It’s what happens when someone makes a film that is really successful and they make a sequel so they can be more famous. This has happened with alot of movies, like when they made a sequel to “Spider-Man”: “Spider-Man 2” or “Spider-Man 3”, or a whole new franchise “The Amazing Spider-Man” and make a sequel to THAT, “The Amazing Spider-Man 2”. I’m not thinking of seeing “The Amazing Spider-Man 3”. It will be just like “Spider-Man 3” which similarly happened in “The Amazing Spider-Man 2”.

* pant pant * Let me take a breather from that!

 

Okay, what I’m going to say here is that it’s not a good movie when you copy it from a movie made in the past. It makes it dull and predictable. I was sitting in the theater thinking “I wonder if the people who made this were running out of ideas, because I can tell. I’m seeing it right in front of me with all 200 of these bored human beings watching this garbage with better things to do.” As I said, the plot is something that will make you think you already saw this sometime before and you think this is a reboot or something, so you think you’re in the wrong theater and go out the exit. Yes. Marvel has ran out of ideas. Let’s pray everyone.

 

My next BIG CRITICISM is the fact that there is, like I said many times before, too much action and violence. We have: a raccoon firing a lazer machine gun while riding on the back of a giant humanoid-tree man during a prison escape. And stuff like an entire ship crashing in a city. Oh my God… Deja vu again! Now they’re stealing ideas from Star Trek!!!! COME ON MARVEL! PUT SOME EFFORT INTO YOUR WORK!!

Yes, you can tell that the film was centered on the action rather than the plot. This is a target for kids and teenagers, and not really adult-viewers. Yes, the jokes in this movie are extremely funny, but there is always a scene where someone either dies, gets in a fight, causes a prison riot, gets in a star-ship battle, or crashes an entire space-ship into a city. At first I thought this was brought by Michael Bay, but no, a totally new director that will be the next Michael Bay. Or so I’m hoping.

 

Characters, my favorite. They kind of… well… sucked. – game show music, please – For the following feature, we have on our list: Big show-off (Star-Lord) Miss. Sexy-Lady (Gamora) An extremely hairy midget (Rocket) “I am GROOT!!” (Groot) aaaaaaaaaand the character no one really cares about with the super cool knives (Drax) Also starring: Alien Jay Leno (Thanos) A bald Amy Pond (Nebula) and the bad-guy whose name I can’t remember (The one with the hood and is blue and has body paint?). So the characters were okay. If I had to say who I liked the most, I would say Groot. He saved the Guardians from the plane crash and quoted “We are Groot.” I think that meant “We’re a team” or something. Unforgettable guy. – sheds a tear – The other characters were either a really annoying play-boy, a talking raccoon who needs a bath, a sexy space criminal with “hot guns” (18+ should know by now), and a guy with awesome tattoos and knives and probably takes steroids. Yeah. Watch the movie for yourself, I don’t want to talk about the characters all that much because they really sucked. Oh there! That’s the word. “Sucked”.

 

Now let’s talk about how popular this movie is. It’s half-half. Kids love it. Adults throwing up in trash cans after they run out of the theater because a prisoner got his head smashed by a 6-foot tall hammer. And that’s not the entire hammer. That’s just the mallet part of it. This movie has had LEGO® sets and action figures made from it. Of course it’s the Avengers all over again. I mean GOTG came out in late July and is still in theaters! It’s pretty popular to kids and that’s really it. Kids are not critics with movies because they are clueless and just love violence. It’s the way we raise our precious little children. We let them watch PG-13 movies.

 

In conclusion I give this film ⅖ stars. Sorry, scratch that, 4% out of a 100,000,000,000. The film will never be a “Dark Knight”. And by the way, Howard the Duck makes a cameo in the post-credit scene at the end. You ruined it forever, Marvel. You really did.

I would appreciate it if you could leave any suggestions to any movies I should review next Monday. Thank you, Academy, and I will see you all next week! Captain Critic is out!